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Elite athletes may look like they have everything figured out, but they're not immune to internal struggles and self-doubt.
Just ask Ashley Cain-Gribble.
One half of the 2019 U.S. champions with partner Timothy LeDuc, Cain-Gribble spent much of the 2020-21 season not feeling like herself.
She was questioning her abilities and trying to figure out the skater she wanted to be – and trying to change who she was.
"At the beginning of the season, I went out for the performances and didn't feel like me," Cain-Gribble said. "I'm never going to give up anything in the sense of I'm going to go for everything and give my best effort. But I just didn't feel like me when I came off every single performance, and I was like, 'I just feel like I'm really holding back.'"
The pair finished third at U.S. Figure Skating's virtually held International Selection Pool (ISP) Points Challenge and fourth at 2020 Guaranteed Rate Skate America, and Cain-Gribble's struggle continued into their short program at the 2021 Toyota U.S. Figure Skating Championships.
They were sitting a disappointing fourth heading into the free skate after an uncharacteristic error.
But for Cain-Gribble, there was a turning point. She and LeDuc shook off any negative emotions and went into the free skate hungry for success, but personally, she had a breakthrough.
"The skater that I am is just who I am naturally, and the athlete that I am is natural. I don't need to change that," Cain-Gribble said. "Yes, we're always evolving and growing and gaining all this new perspective and are able to push ourselves, but I don't need to be anybody else other than who I am.
"(After the short) I told my coach that. I pulled them aside and I was like, 'I know who I am, and I need to not be anybody other than that.' And they were like, 'Yeah, we know that. We want you to go out there and be that athlete.' And I think just being able to vocalize that and say it out loud and hear myself say it really meant a lot to me."
During the free skate, she kept repeating one simple phrase to herself:
be Ashley.
And she was.
Cain-Gribble and LeDuc rebounded from an early error to finish second in the free skate, and left Las Vegas with their second U.S. bronze medal. But more importantly, Cain-Gribble felt like herself again.
"Finally, in that free skate at nationals [U.S. Championships], I just felt like I was in it," she said. "I didn't care what anybody thought, what anybody was doing or what anybody said around me. I didn't care what other teams had skated. I just wanted to feel the connection to Timothy and to the music, and really perform the program in a way that felt special to us. And when the music ended, I felt like I never had a doubt in my mind. Even if we had a little error here or there, I never had a doubt in my mind that I was holding back. It was like I gave 100% effort in it. And so that felt really, really good."
LeDuc has been by her side and supporting her through all her self-doubt, and says that her rediscovery of her confidence made the result of the actual competition immaterial.
"As a partner, that's my gold medal. Getting to hear my partner say that and feel that satisfaction and that breakthrough, it's so gratifying," LeDuc said. "And it's always so heartbreaking when there is a mistake, or you see your partner struggling through something or having doubts. Because this sport is so hard, and nobody understands what we go through better than each other, because we're literally going through the ups and downs of all this together, day in, day out, pushing ourselves past all kinds of struggles and adversities. So your partner is like your best friend, and I'm Ashley's biggest cheerleader.
"So when I hear her say these things like, 'I broke through, and I feel so great about this,' it's just like, 'Cool! Well, I win!'" LeDuc said with a laugh. "That's a good day at the office."
Their third-place finish at the U.S. Championships had Cain-Gribble and LeDuc named the first alternate to the World Championship team. They were ultimately named to the team in early March following Jessica Calalang and Brian Johnson's withdrawal.
"We are extremely grateful and honored to be on the World Team again," LeDuc said. "This is our third World Team, and we are excited to show everything that we've been working towards on the World Championship stage. We really feel like we've made so many good steps forward this year, and while we had a good showing at nationals [U.S. Championships], it wasn't exactly what we were looking for. So we're so excited to have the opportunity now to just kill it. Or go out there and show everyone what we can do."
The International Skating Union (ISU) World Figure Skating Championships 2021 will take place on March 24-28 in Stockholm. The pairs competition will be held on March 24-25.
Cain-Gribble and LeDuc have competed at a World Championships once before, in 2019, finishing ninth and helping to secure two spots for U.S. pairs in 2020-21.
In 2021, their goal is to gain a third spot for U.S. teams at the Olympic Winter Games Beijing 2022.
But they know that if they just skate well – the way they know they can – things will fall into place.
"I think it's really good to have big goals, because sometimes they can put a little bit of fear in you, and that ignites a big fire to want to accomplish that goal," Cain-Gribble said. "We are focusing on the daily grind of, 'What can we get out of this day that's going to push us forward?' And so it's just about balancing those small goals with those big goals so that, in the end, everything just comes together."
Follow
Ashley Cain-Gribble and Timothy LeDuc and the rest of Team USA at the World Championships from March 22-28, 2021, on NBC, NBCSN, and Peacock Premium.
