If you had asked Jason Brown if he would've been back skating at the 2023 Toyota U.S. Figure Skating Championships when he stepped off the ice at the 2022 Olympic Winter Games in Beijing, the answer would have been a very resounding no.
"I would've laughed," Brown said. "I would've been like, 'Heck no.'"
At those Games, the two-time Olympian gave two incredible performances he couldn't be prouder of, setting new international personal bests in the short program, free skate and total score for sixth place.
And while in the leadup, Brown refused to think about whether that would be his final competitive performance, he knew afterwards his heart wasn't in competing.
"When it ended, I remember I called my parents, and we were all on the phone crying. It just was really emotional, and I was like, 'Is this over? Is this how it ends?'" Brown remembered. "For me, it felt like I was done. I felt exhausted. I felt – I don't want to call it burnt out – but the crash was hard."
So after years of every decision being to make it to the Olympic Games, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic where one positive test could take that end goal away, Brown began a year of soul searching and discovery of other interests. It was the largest break from competitive skating of his entire career.
Jason Brown gave two career-best performances at the 2022 Olympics.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
He called it "The Year of Yes."
While many of his teammates headed to the World Championships, Brown traveled to Peru. He explored the tourist sites such as Cusco, Urubamba and Machu Picchu, but also spent time with the new Peruvian Ice Skating Federation, doing a seminar and teaching for a week. He would go back in August to choreograph more than 15 Peruvian skaters' programs.
Known for his artistry, choreography is something Brown could see himself doing more of in the future as he looks to help the next generation.
"I would really, really love it," Brown gushed. "So if anyone needs a choreographer, I'd love to push the next generation to just keep exploring that side of the sport because I think that's what makes our sport so special."
In May, Brown joined his U.S. Olympic teammates for the White House visit. Later on in the year, Brown stayed involved in figure skating in another new capacity, joining the Team USA social media team to create fun, behind-the-scenes content at Skate America.
He also made sure to spend time with his family. His sister got married at the end of October. When the family took its annual trip to a dude ranch in Arizona over winter break, he stayed the whole week instead of the few days he'd always spent since he needed to prepare for the U.S. Championships.
"I think it's a mix of being very, very present for one of the first times in everything that I was doing and not having that mindset of needing to keep gearing back to that focus of just skating," Brown recalled. "I've done that for 22 years and I've loved every minute of it, and I knew that it was time to make a shift when you start to feel like you're sacrificing more and more and more, because I never felt that way before."
But in 2022, he had started to feel that shift.
Ironically, it would be a return to the ice that would shift Brown's mindset and fuel a return to competition. In between his various projects, Brown participated in shows.
While Brown is known for dazzling audiences during his competitive performances, this was the first time Brown had participated in shows for any extended period of time.
"For most of my career, I really never took advantage of the show portion of skating, just because my focus was on the competitive side," Brown said. "The only time I really did any touring was after the Olympic year … because the mentality was, 'Don't do the whole tour. Your career's just starting. You need take the time to train. You have time in the future to do it.'"
But in 2022, things were different, and he realized he needed to perform more. He traveled the United States with Stars on Ice. He did multiple stints in Japan over the year as well.
Jason Brown performs in Stars on Ice.
Shows meant a return to why Brown fell in love with skating to begin with. The little boy who began skating because he saw his sister perform in an ice show as a little kid and knew he wanted to be a part of the world with the bright lights that looked so fun, simply adores performing. He found the shows fed his soul, and his love of the artistic and creative side of the sport, in a way competition hadn't been.
"For me, it was always about getting out there in front of a crowd and telling a story and transforming into a different character – almost losing yourself in the moment. That's what I really loved," Brown replied when asked why he loves skating. "It's a love of connecting with the audience. Just to see them smile or cry or bring out some type of an emotion in them."
By the end of the summer, Brown had partaken in more than 50 shows, and despite the intense schedule, was shocked to find himself reenergized, his passion and excitement for the sport shining through.
Thoughts of returning to competition began to surface. The shows fueled his desire to give more to the competitive realm. What was a "no" after Beijing had become "maybe."
He was invited to compete in the Japan Open in October, a fun-spirited competition where skaters only perform a long program. Just like that, he was in Saitama, Japan, with a free skate.
In the back of his head, he also knew he already had a short program he had never used. At the same time "Sinnerman" was created during the pandemic, "Melancholy" had been choreographed for the 2020-21 season that was cut short.
Now the thought that maybe he could compete again was real. At first, the reasons he wanted to compete were external. His parents hadn't seen his last competition in Beijing since families were not allowed at the Games. Then it became he wanted redemption in San Jose, California, the city where a sixth-place finish at the 2018 U.S. Championships meant being left off the Olympic Team.
But then he realized it wasn't for those reasons at all. It was for himself.
"There were little bits and pieces that I was trying to convince myself that's why I was going to do it. And at the end of the day, it just was because I truly love it," Brown said. "I just love to perform, and I think I love to be out there and I wanted to."
He announced his comeback to the U.S. Championships on November 2, 2022. But if he was going to come back, he was going to do it his way. That meant an unconventional training schedule – continuing to do shows while he prepared.
"I really want to make it clear to all the readers, I've been training really, really hard. Just in a very different way," explained Brown, who was training three different show pieces in the leadup in addition to his two competitive programs.
Jason Brown skates to "The Impossible Dream" at the 2023 Toyota U.S. Figure Skating Championships.
Photo Credit: Melanie Heaney/U.S. Figure Skating
"You might look at my schedule and be like, 'Is he making any time to train these programs?' And the reality is it's not the same way … [For example], two weeks before Nationals, I was performing in Japan. There are two shows a day for Friday, Saturday and Sunday and it was five numbers in each show and one solo number, and so for my solo, I did my short program. So I was really able to keep that integrity up and keep training."
His free skate would be to "The Impossible Dream" by Josh Groban, a performance that was choreographed as an option for Stars on Ice. Although it wasn't used, the message of the song stuck with Brown, and he knew he had to use it in another capacity.
"It doesn't matter if people don't believe. It doesn't matter if people deem something impossible. It's about having the courage to go after it and for me, something is only impossible if you believe that it is," Brown said of the song and the program's message. "The messaging and the wording every time I listen to it, it's therapy for me and it just continues to inspire me."
The theme also encapsulates Brown's entire career. Whether he was told he would never succeed at the junior level without a triple Axel – he did, medaling twice at Junior Worlds – or that he would never reach the Olympics without a quad – he did, twice and won a team event meal in 2014 – Brown has made his career proving people wrong.
"So much of my career has been about everyone being like, 'Oh you'll never achieve this. Oh you're never going to achieve that.' For me, it was like, 'I'm going to keep putting myself out there and trying my best and who knows,'" Brown added. "So that was really big in that impossible dream. And it's not to say that I haven't become deflated or defeated or let it get to me, because it 100% has at times. It hit hard many times in my career. But it was a reminder to go after it."
Go after it he did in San Jose, but with a different mindset. He wasn't questioning if he was good enough or how things would turn out. It wasn't about winning a medal or making a World Team. If he did, it would be the cherry on top.
Of course, he did earn the silver medal and was named to the World team. In his first time performing a short and long program since the Olympics, he also received two standing ovations.
"It was a really special two performances. I really gave it my all," Brown said. "I left my heart out on the ice and I think for me, there was so much build up because I was so overwhelmed with the memories of 2018. When I got out there and I started skating the short and the long, I felt like such a different person. I felt so in control and so proud of who I've become that to me, that was the biggest victory. I almost started the program like I had won."
This week, Brown will return to Saitama, Japan, to compete at the ISU World Figure Skating Championships 2023. To end the season, Brown would love to compete at World Team Trophy. What happens after that, he's not sure.
Brown didn't close off the idea of returning to competition. He recalled how after his short program at this year's U.S. Championships, Brown laughed with his parents and his off-ice trainer over dinner as they threw out the idea of a reunion in Columbus.
"The best analogy I can say is that I'm really proud of the skating career that I've had – loved it. I've closed that book. The career has ended and this is kind of like a sequel."
As for what that sequel holds and whether fans will have the opportunity to see him compete again next season, his answer is a little different than after Beijing.
This time, it's "we'll see."
